YOUR ANXIETY IS NOT YOUR ENEMY IT’S A MESSAGE
Oct 31, 2026
YOUR ANXIETY IS NOT YOUR ENEMY IT’S A MESSAGE
Over the fourty years of my counseling practice, I have noticed a number of clients in relationship and out of relationship struggle with anxiety. For these clients I tell them
” Your anxiety is not your enemy. It’s a messenger.”
If you live with anxiety, you know the routine. You’ve tried the deep breaths. The distraction. The podcasts, the apps, the “just calm down” advice from well-meaning people. You’ve tried positive thinking and affirmations and telling yourself it’s all in your head.
But it stays. It hums in the background, a low-grade fear that sometimes spikes into something louder. It tells you to be careful, to prepare for the worst, to avoid the risk. It wakes you up at 3am with a list of everything that could go wrong.
And here’s what most people never hear: your anxiety is not the problem. It’s a messenger letting you know there is something underlying it that needs your attention.
Anxiety is often the alarm we notice first. Rather than fighting the anxiety, (seeking to power through it which is exhausting or seeking medication which only disconnects us more
and never works, (i had a client once who had panic attacks when she couldn’t find or ran out of her medication) so what if Instead, we become curious about what the alarm is telling us.
When we learn a simple technique to be present we can listen to what’s underneath the anxiety. It may be the need to acknowledge and resolve some long heald fear, grief, sadness, anger, helplessness, guilt, or a deep need for a secure identity, belonging , safety and connection.
It’s so important to know ourselves and be able to connect authentically to our primary feelings and needs. They are our life blood and give us meaning and purpose.
Anyone like myself, who grew up in a dysfunctional family, learned early to suppress your own feelings and needs.
If you have feelings and needs you don’t express them and if you express them you don’t expect them to be listen to,. To protect youself you detach / cover them up and eventually forget you have them. Unfortunately we often replace them with stories separating from our original wholeness. This cover up always leads to anxiety.
This is also why fighting the anxiety often fails. You’re fighting the smoke alarm while the fire is still burning underneath. The alarm keeps going off because the fire was never addressed.
So what if, instead of fighting, we listened?
In my work with clients, we don’t try to eliminate anxiety. We create a safe space to lean in and finally hear what it’s been trying to tell you. We get curious together. We might ask questions like:
When you notice the anxiety, what are you telling yourself?
If we put that story aside for a moment, what are you actually feeling?
Where do you feel that emotion in your body?
What does that feeling tell you that really matters to you?
What does that underlying feeling tell you that you need right now—safety, connection, reassurance, grieving, or some sense of constructive action? This is our doorway to redirecting our energy to gaining resolution and returning to equilibrium and ease.
I struggled with anxiety and panic attacks for years and it wasn’t till i got past my stories and gained a primary emotional literacy that i finally got relief.
These aren’t quick fixes. They’re invitations. Invitations to turn toward what you’ve been turning away from. And in that turning toward, something shifts. The anxiety loosens its grip—not because you fought it harder, but because you finally understood what it was trying to say.
This isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about finally understanding yourself. It’s about turning an internal war into an internal conversation.
If you’re tired of fighting a battle that never seems to end, and you’re ready to try listening to what your inner world is trying to say, I’m here to guide you through that process with compassion and without judgment.
You don’t have to figure it out alone.
Send me a text message at 949-250-1423. If you like we can set up a free 15-minute consultation. Let’s start a different kind of conversation.
