Would You Like To Create
More Satisfying Relationships ?
Be Your Best Self ?
Have Your Best Relationship ?
Find Perfect Love and Happiness ?
Learn How to Be Soul Mates Rather
Than Cell Mates.
We will teach you the Language
Of Love and
Speaking From The Heart
Find The Perfect Way to Connect
to Yourself and Others
Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing
There is a field, I’ll meet you there
and we shall share and live our dreams
if we dare.
Learn Skills You Can Use
Give and Receive Love
The Language of
Feelings and Needs
Discover What Your Real Issues Are
(they’re not what you think)
Learn How To Safely Connect To Yourself and Your Partner
Re-Establish A Secure Bond
Learn How to Become More Authentic
Discover How To Be Present and Fully Engaged
Learn How To Be More Responsive With
True Natural Giving and Receiving
Discover A Doorway to
Who Can Benefit?
Couples New or Long Term
In Crisis or In Love
Married or Unmarried
At the Beginning or At the End
In Transition – Saying Good Bye to Past Relationships
In Transition – Saying Hello to New Relationships–
I believe that how we deal with our relationships is the number one factor contributing to our greater success, happiness and enrichment in life. Marriage communication is a sacred trust in that the most vulnerable part of us is safe and protected with our partner however many are miss-educated in how to have the relationship of their dreams and end up with the relationship of their nightmares.
I passionate about teaching individuals and couples Parents and Children the necessary skills to stay safe, stay connected and continually grow and enrich meaningful satisfying relationships.
In my six or twelve week Returning to Love Program, I will support you in a step by step skill training process to teach you A-Z how to resolve conflict and have more aliveness in your relationships. I teach practical skills you can use right away to improve your communication. I use the best and most relevant applications from a number of Relationship healing programs such as: Imago Relationship Therapy, by Harville Hendrix Ph.D.; Mars Venus Theory by John Gray; Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. John Gottman and The Enneagram by Don Riso.
I also introduce you to Energy Healing Practices from EFT, META Healing, Energy Psychology and innovators like Dr. Emoto “Messages From Water” and Gary Chapman “Love Language” as well as many other state of the art cutting edge leading researchers.
I love up grading the world by transforming relationships. individuals and couples become compassionate beneficial presences and up-grade their surroundings by the very nature of their loving meaningful connections. If you are struggling with any relationship issue, I can help you to better understand yourself and learn skills to communicate authentically and compassionately so you have a more meaningful relationship and satisfying life. These skills will transform all aspects of your present and future relationships.
Your Hello To Your Present Relationship is Only As Good As Your Last Good Bye!
The sad fact is that relationship mistakes tend to repeat themselves when they have not been understood and corrected. Until we stop projecting and take responsibility for our unresolved emotional issues, we are destine to repeat our past mistakes with each encounter and each new relationship. If we don’t learn from our past, we are destine to repeat it.
The majority of individuals have childhood wounds and experiences of disappointments, abandonment shame unworthiness, as a result of unintended neglect, criticism or outright abuse. These disappointments become core decisions and defenses (default automatic protective behavior patterns) against being hurt again in intimate relationships. These patterns get activated in new relationships and continually result in the same conclusion (I’m not safe and/or my needs don’t matter) until brought to consciousness and resolved. Decisions like “No one’s there for me.” “I’m always alone” ” I’m never good enough,” “I can’t do anything right” and “I can’t trust, become mantras written on relationship walls that soon become the pounding points that only strengthen the walls that keep couples separated.
From childhood on, we make decisions with each significant relationship disappointment and adapt to protect ourselves from repeated hurt. Unfortunately, if you haven’t healed the original heart break, you tend to repeat the it over and over again. Over fifty percent of first marriages end in divorce with declarations “I will never be in a relationship like that again” however sixty four percent of second marriages end in divorce and seventy five percent of third marriage end in divorce. It’s unfortunate that the relationship issues don’t go away just because we change partners. Marriages don’t end because of lack of love but lack of skill in building trust to understand and work through conflict and maintain a secure bond.
The wounds of past disappointments seem to become compounded with reinforced decision and unless we take charge of our healing process, we are doomed to a self fulfilling prophecy. Your next “Hello” is only as good as your last “Goodbye,” particularly your goodbye to your painful disappointing childhood ties. For many present relationships are simply a repeat of childhood relationship – Broken Promises, Broken Dreams, Broken Attachments with out the ability to know how to nurture a secure bond. We teach concrete skills to recognize your patterns of sabotage and help you get back on track with insight and skills for emotional re-bonding. In our Returning to Love Program, we help couples align with each other as co-healers with the enemy not being each other but the patterns that keep the relationship in a downward cycle. We offer you a process to fully say good bye to wall and bullets and say Hello to conscious and intentional intimacy enrichment and successful secure relationships. You learn positive intimacy building skills that promote a secure bond and continual success instead of continual frustration and despair.
IN SIX TO TWELVE WEEKS YOU CAN BE ON YOUR WAY
TO A NEW YOU AND A NEW RELATIONSHIP PATTERN
No One Wants Their Relationship To Be A Statistic
The sad truth is, although the vast majority of private practice therapists offer marriage counseling, many are not specifically trained in marital therapy or trained in the latest skills to reduce chronic patterns of avoidance shut down or blow up reactions based on emotional patterns from childhood. Given the fact that most couples don’t seek counseling until it’s too late, it’s not surprising that marriage counseling doesn’t have a better track record.
I Offer A Different Approach
Not only do I specialize in the most powerful skill training techniques in couples therapy, I also use an extremely powerful, research backed Emotionally Focused Therapy and fast emotional pain relief methods such as META Healing and Energy Medicine and Emotionally Freedom Techniques (EFT) to help free you from your negative spin out patterns or cycles. See FORMS CLICK HERE
Couples see results in a very few sessions by learning how to break habitual negative patterns and reconnect with their partner from a more conscious intentional place thus allowing the relationship to return to its nurturing roots and healthy patterns. The goal is to move a relationship from a place of distress to a place of comfort and trust.
While Emotionally Focused Therapy and Emotional Freedom Techniques are not a “cure-all,” studies have shown that three out of four couples who undergo EFT progress into recovery mode. Fully 86% of couples show significant improvements in their relationship.
EFT works well with many different types of couples and individuals, including those who are:
- chronic despair, anxiety, insecurity, not feeling safe,
- emotionally burned out or shut down;
- angry to the point of not being able to talk.
- suffering from chronic stress affecting your health or dealing with an illness;
- suffering from PTSD.
Relationships Can Be Confusion
Unless You Understand Your Imago
For most of us, happiness in relationships is a hit or miss, trial and error confusing enterprise. We have training for every profession to achieve excellence but when it comes to relationships it seems we’re simply suppose to know what to do. I had a client once, who married five different alcoholic men unconsciously trying to repair the relationship she had with her alcoholic Father. Unknowingly, she was in a repetitive childhood pattern seeking to win her Fathers love by fixing him and of course experiencing repeated disappointment and failure attracting alcoholic men who didn’t want to be fixed. How can a child ever hope to really fix a parent. She was doomed in her relationships just like she was doomed in her childhood trying to fix her Father only to end up feeling despair and hopelessness.
When looking at the characteristics of your partner, you may noticed that you probably picked someone who had the best and worse traits of you parents. You also noticed that you experience the same disappointments, frustrations with your partner that you had growing up in your childhood home or past relationships. In our Returning to Love Relationship Training, we believe there are no accidents – the unconscious part of you (your Imago) choose to to help you replicate your childhood wounds in order to heal them.
Unfortunately without skills and awareness of our Imago’s unconscious agenda we more often only repeat our wounds rather than repair them. We continually repeat our patterns attracting the people, places, and things we need to heal until we learn the skills to heal ourselves.
Most marriages fail, not because of making a mistake in their choice of partners, but because of mistakes in their communication patterns. Habits of defending through raging, complaining, criticizing or collapsing and shutting down keep relationships in stuck patterns. Power struggles are maintained by the unconscious habitual way of reacting to each other without insight or awareness on how to change patterns. Couples often create enemy images which become self fulfilling prophecies and lock each other into “no win” labels and gestures. . How you see yourself and your partner will determine the resulting relationship you have.
When we don’t know how to listen or express feelings and don’t understand how to translate feelings into needs we stay in overwhelming despair and shut down or blow up. Our defensive patterns only increase distance and disconnection with the need for walls instead of understanding healing bridges.
In our Returning to Love Program, we invite Individuals and Couples, Parents and Children to attend coaching / counseling sessions to learn skills to to learn how to navigate conflict, deal with disappointment and learn how to have greater understanding of themselves and others.
We teach concrete skills how to use feelings and needs as resources rather than triggers to become reactive. We show you how to have “power with” rather than “power over” relationships. We teach you how to go beyond black and white thinking all or nothing to becoming both and thinking all inclusive, where everyone’s needs matter.
The Imago Process- “Your Partner May Not Be Perfect but he/she is Perfect for You.”
The word Imago (E-Man-Go) is a Greek word meaning composite image. Imago is conceptualized as the womb of spiritual rebirth and the unconscious storehouse of our collective memories. These stored memories constitute both our good and bad experiences. We see, think, feel, and act through them. The concept of Imago has lead to the development of a series of principles and skills that have become known as Imago Relationship Therapy. Imago is like a servo mechanism seeking out to help us adjust from our wounds by recreating painful experiences in an attempt to heal and understand ourselves better.
The term or idea of Imago Relationship Therapy as stated earlier was originated by Harville Hendrix, PH.D. and Helen Hunt, who believe the purpose of relationships is the healing of childhood wounds. The idea of Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) was originated by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. and Helen Hunt.The Imago (unconscious Imprint) has a desire to heal or balance out how you had to adapt to survive in childhood. Someone not allowed to have feelings will choose someone overly emotional etc. The unconscious part of us picks someone who has both positive and negative characteristics of our child hood care givers in hope to help us lean to adapt differently and heal our negative experiences.
If we learn to work with our imago and use tools to help in the healing process we free ourselves to grow and return to our natural state of wholeness. We learn how to be in relationships from the relationships we had with our parents. Relationship in the past were more about survival than emotional intimacy and enrichment. Many have sworn that they would never be like their parents much less marry someone like their parents but in truth we all pick, promote or provoke are partners into acting out the same experiences we had with our parents.
I am What I Think, Having Become
What My Parents Thought of Me.
Imago Theory and Training
Imago as stated earlier is the composite image or unconscious storehouse that holds all our beliefs, habits, feelings, decisions from all our good and bad experiences, and reactions to stress. It’s our default way of handling triggers in our adult life. If a child learned to shut down, withdraw, to avoid pain and criticism growing up (ie become a turtle) they will likely tend to do the same in adult life. If someone became overly animated to protect themselves from the fear of abandonment, they will likely do so as an adult. According to Harville Hendrix the founder of Imago Relationship Therapy, Turtles will tend to seek out their opposite to balance themselves. If a child learned to compete for attention by being louder, stepping up, going after what they want and maximizing their emotions they would tend to seek their opposite, a turtle to balance and heal themselves.
According to Imago theory, the first seven years of life form the groundwork of our world view and then we layer it each year thereafter reinforcing or adding to our core positive and negative beliefs and experiences which becomes our unconscious imago. It is within this unconscious storehouse that all our positive and negative experiences, self-limiting beliefs, images, feelings and decisions from childhood are kept, covered up in our protective strategies, until we become mature enough to recognize, grieve, release and hopefully correct them.
We come to primarily identify ourselves through these layers of unconscious Imago. It includes all our experiences and decisions and learned habits regarding Men, Women, Relationships, Money, Trust, Love, Success, Happiness, etc. It is the sum total of who we think we are and what life is.
In the first seven years we give up parts of ourselves to belong and stay connected to our family of origin. We give up our independence to become “pleasers.” We give up our sensitivity to ourselves to become “rebels.” We give up our emotions to become intellectuals etc. We become “maximizers” or “minimizers,” “rebels,” or “conformist,” “pursuers” or ” avoiders,” “connectors” or “distancers,” “chasers” or “runners,” over thinkers,”or over “feelers,” “spenders” or “savers,” “super responsible” or “super irresponsible” etc. Of course when we deny a part of our self we attract it into our life. So the saying goes “Opposites Attract.”
Imago theory espouses that the universe needs balance and the best way for the universe or individuals to heal and find balance is to become attracted to and get with an opposite in order to heal and reintegrate their lost parts.
Until we stop projecting and take responsibility for our unresolved emotional issues we are destine to repeat our past mistakes with each new relationship. The majority of individuals have childhood wounds and experiences of disappointments, abandonment shame unworthiness, as a result of unintended neglect, criticism or outright abuse. These disappointments become core decisions and defenses against being hurt again in intimate relationships and remain buried in our unconscious until brought to consciousness and resolved.
From childhood on, if you haven’t heal one heart break, you tend to repeat the heartbreak, over and over again. Over fifty percent of first marriages end in divorce. In the follow up marriage sixty four percent of second marriages end in divorce and in the third marriage almost seventy five percent end in divorce.
The wounds of the past seem to become compounded unless we take charge of our healing process. Your next Hello is only as good as your last Goodbye particularly your goodbye to your childhood ties. For many present relationships are simply a repeat of childhood relationship and past relationships because skills and corrections have not been learned to resolve past issues.
In our Returning to Love Program, we offer you a process to fully say good bye to childhood beliefs and behaviors and say Hello to conscious and intentional intimacy enrichment relationships. You learn positive intimacy building skills that promote continual success instead of continual frustration and despair.
Imago At Work
When we feel an irresistible conscious and unconscious attraction to a person. There is also a strong chemical reaction in the brain secreting “feel good” hormones, this is our Imago locking-in and going to work. We seek just the right combination of positive and negative traits to bring our deepest wounds to the surface. Quite often, opposites attract one another. The bonding process provides us with an excellent opportunity to heal old wounds. The overly intellectual finds someone who is overly emotional. The compulsive spender finds the compulsive saver. The super responsible finds the super irresponsible. There are thousands of combinations.
To help us heal, our Imago holds these wounds in pockets until we gain enough well-being, insight, and skill to deal with them. In adulthood, our Imago acts as a servo-mechanism and magnet to attract just the right people to subconsciously determined places and situations in order to help us re-experience and resolve our childhood wounds.
It is the Imago’s job to recreate childhood experiences in an effort to correct them. When we feel an irresistible attraction to a person, this is our Imago locking in and going to work. We seek just the right combination of positive and negative traits to bring our deepest wounds to the surface. This bonding process gives us the greatest opportunity for healing. The overly intellectual finds someone who is overly emotional. The compulsive spender finds the compulsive saver. The super responsible finds the super irresponsible. There are thousands of combinations. It is the Imago’s job to recreate the childhood experiences in order to correct them.
To help us heal, our Imago holds these wounds in pockets until we gain enough well-being, insight, and until we have the capacity to deal with them. These unconscious wounds of our past, stored in our Imago, build intensity and eventually surface as adults. These wounds replay themselves with the hope of healing. We reject thousands of healthy people to find our perfect Imago match. Sadly, however, once we find an Imago mate, we don’t have the skills to enable us to know what to do to complete our healing process.
The Result, A Perfect Imago Match
Many people don’t understand the purpose of their Imago and often ask, “How does this keep happening to me?” ” Why do I keep having the same painful experiences?” They recognize a pattern, but they don’t know how to get beyond it. It is often the case that it isn’t until the relationship pattern has been repeated many times and the person becomes exhausted, totally broken, and totally discouraged that the person is willing to look within themselves. We reject thousands of healthy people to find our perfect Imago match (The one that is least able and lease capable of meeting our core human needs. The Imago in order to correct the painful childhood experience needs to find a person who can get us in touch with our core negative beliefs and is the one we have the best opportunity to grow with).
If we grew up in a home of “non-huggers,”” we have a deep yearning within us to be hugged and feel the security of physical affection. However not just any arms will do. There are lots of healthy physically affectionate people out there but their hugs just don’t seem to be the healing factor. We can get natural hugs but it doesn’t feel right. We must have a “non-hugger” to hug us so we can heal and complete our child hood soul contract. So we reject thousands of “huggers” to find that one “non-hugger” (who has a opposite soul contract need). Only a hug from a “non- hugger” will give us the healing we need. In the beginning it seems almost impossible to see a way through. We believe he or she can’t possibly meet my need to give me what need (and I don’t believe I deserve) and heal my childhood wound.
When we meet an imago match, if we do not have the skills to enable us to know what to do to complete our healing process, we sadly repeat and reinforce our childhood wound and deepen the pattern of disappointment and loss. . Once we have found our Imago match we are thrilled at first but when the hormonal drugs wear off we then go into our childhood adaptive protective patterns to recreate the childhood wound. instead of freeing ourselves, we usually set ourselves and our partners up to become re-injured. This only reinforces our childhood wounds.
Couples separate and tell themselves, “I picked the wrong person.” Then they set out to do it all over again, creating the same pattern of behavior. (I know a woman who married five alcoholic men searching to repair her relationship with her alcoholic father.)
The Returning to Love Skill Training Program has incorporated state of the art principles and skills into a comprehensive training program to help couples see their relationship as a spiritual path. We teach concrete skills and healing principles through private individual or couples counseling, workshops, and support groups. We provide a system of education and spiritual healing that offers a systematic structure of learning how to better give and receive love.
Imago “Relationship Healing as part of the Returning to Love Skill Training Program will help you to work in cooperation with your conscious mind desiring happiness and you unconscious mind ( Imago) desiring healing and growth through resolution of your childhood wounds. Our system is structured to provide the education and support that is required to both heal and know yourself, your spirit, and the relationships you desire.
When two individuals commit to working together in an effort to understand each others imago, or unconscious agenda, they eventually realize the reasons (their Soul Contract) why they chose one another as a partner.
Learn the Lessons of Your Soul Contract
“My Partner May Not Be Perfect But He/She is Perfect For Me”
Author Men are From Mars Women are From Venus
In the course of skill training, couples often realize that their partners enable them to regain lost or denied parts. These realizations help to integrate – they allow a spiritual awakening.
You Can Have A Quality Meaningful Relationship
Our Returning to Love Skill Training is a blend of the latest revolutionary conflict resolution and intimacy enrichment skills from over twenty years of relationship research. Don’t leave your relationship up to chance. Don’t assume that getting rid of your partner will get rid of the pain and frustration in dealing with significant others in relationships.
Find out what it takes to have better communication and a satisfying quality connection. Learn the joy of having maximum freedom and maximum intimacy. Today we have easy to learn concrete skills, you can use right away to transform conflict into intimacy and distance into connection for your relationship. With skill training, you can have a quality, meaningful relationship.
In the Returning to Love Program, you will learn a number of skills on how to connect to each other with safety using the language of the heart. We specialize in teaching individuals, couples, parents and children advance communication skills that create safety and understanding of what love really means.
The ability to be present has become a lost art form and lack of compassionate connection is destroying our planet. More than ever before there is a need to return to our heart via compassionate listening skills to help us foster a strong foundation of safety security and trust and belonging.
Learn The Language of The Heart
Most of us have defaulted to managing our lives from the mental position. Our minds are great for planing and doing check books but usually create obsessive loops when it comes to relationships. We project base on past and future strategies without any ability to be in the moment to process our feelings and needs. If we learn to shut down to deal with painful situations, that’s how we deal with it today. If as a child, we could only get our needs met if we got loud and competed within the family that’s how we adapt to cope today. The language of the Heart is about leaning how to connect to your authentic self and the authentic self of the other. (Understanding how to be present and connect using Compassionate listening and responses to Feelings and Needs.)
Most of us would not want to have the relationship our parents had but without skills we unconsciously fall into the same limiting beliefs and emotional patterns. We default to blaming and complaining rather than listening and understanding. As your parents did, you probably made mistakes and developed self-defeating habits. Without learning how to correct our mistakes, we continue to repeat them creating more tension, discouragement and faulty habits without learning.
With out support, most tend to avoid dealing with the disappointments and upsets. We just keep going to work, dealing with kids and comfort ourselves the best we know how. What ever the medication, tunnel vision or escape, the pain and frustration keep mounting. Eventually it comes to a head.. After several failed relationships many have lost hope. They have given up and have chosen to live alone. Maybe in the past but today, it doesn’t have to be this way.
The Returning To Love Program
Returning to Love Intimacy Training is a blend of the latest most powerful transformation of consciousness and language patterns to help individuals and couples, parents and children become more authentic and empathic and have more meaningful quality relationships. All our advanced communication techniques allow you to transform conflict into understanding and collaboration. We teach you concrete skills that allow everyone’s needs to matter. Compassionate Listening using the principles of NVC, Imago Shadow work and many state of the art proven therapies teach you a step by step method in practical skills to deal with issues in the present and resolve issues from the past.
Our Returning to Love Program Integrates
Principles and Practices from:
Emotionally Focused Therapy: Sue Johnson
Compassionate Listening using the principles of NVC Marshal Rosenberg
Imago Relationship Training Harville Hendrix
Shadow Work and Understanding Soul Contracts
John Gottman’s Relationship Research on Masters vs. Disasters
“Love Language” Gary Chapman
Eckhart Tolle “The Presence Process”
“Men Are From Mars and Women are From Venus” John Gray
Timothy Ryan “The Amends Process”
And much more!
In our Returning to Love Training Program, you will gain the skills you need to return to wholeness. You will learn to override your reactive behavior patterns both within yourself and with others. These tools can be used therapeutically, in conflict situations, or in everyday conversation.
Our training model was developed from the past twenty years of research on what it takes to have healthy relationships. We have put together a number of successful principles and skills from leading researchers to help couples, individuals and families resolve conflict and create safety and love. In a very few session you will understand your problems from a completely different point of view and know what to do with conflict and misunderstanding.
Are you Hungry for Skills To Improve The Quality of Your Relationships
Join us to have the relationship of your dreams, not your nightmares.
- Strengthen and Build Trust in Your Present or Future Relationships
- Learn how to be Safe and Create Safety in Your Relationships.
- Learn How To See Your Relationships as Soul Contracts
- Learn how to Avoid Defensive/Critical Communication Patterns.
- Learn Effective Communication Tools That Result in You Being Seen For Who You Are.
- Learn Skills to Be Heard, Understood and Appreciated while Creating More Aliveness and Authenticity.
- Learn Communication Skills that Overcome and/or Dissolve Conflicts
- Become a More Compassionate Listener for Yourself and Others.
- Learn How to Better Listen and Assert Yourself in Difficult Moments.
- Build Trust with Behavior Requests and Follow Through
- Learn How To Effectively Correct and Learn From Your Mistakes
- Prevent Relationship Sabotage by Understanding Each Others Love Language
- Understand Confusing Behavior Patterns As A Cry for Love from Unmet Past Wounds.
- Learn how to Heal and Enrich the Quality of your Intimacy in your Relationships
- Increase Your Ability to Meet Your Own Needs and the Needs of Others
- Learn How to See Your Relationships as a Spiritual Path For Healing and Return to Wholeness.
Find The Perfect Way to Connect to Yourself and Others
Jackals vs. Giraffes
The Four Horse Men
Turtles and Lightening Bolts
Advanced Communication Skills
The Presence Process
How to Self Care
The Soothing Process
The Three Rs of The Amends Process
Flooding (Tolerating Admiration)
Expressing Anger Safely
Behavior Change Request (BCR) and
BCR Reviews for Accountability
Language of Aliveness
Partnership and Visioning Toward
Creating The Relationship of Your Dreams
Not Your Nightmares
Timothy J. Ryan has a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology and Divinity. He is a Board Certified Diplomat, Relationship Expert and Professional Counselor with the American Psychotherapy Association. He specializes in Removing Barriers to Love and Teaching Effective Communication Skills to help couples Better give and Receive Love
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