Couples Counseling

When loving relationships don’t work, it can be extremely painful. Having a Secure Bond of Love and sense of Belonging are core human needs When we feel disconnected from our primary partnerships, it takes a huge toll on our emotional, mental and physical well-being, not to mention our jobs, our finances and our families.

According to the Gottman Research, most couples wait tor approximately six years after the first sign of trouble to get help. Gottman also has an accurate prediction of 5 to 1 type of nurturing comments vs critical comments which he calls the “Masters” and 5 to 1 critical comments to nurturing comments which he calls the “Disasters” in relationships. Gottman states 5 to 1 negative patterns are guaranteed predictors of impending separation and divorce. He also states that couples who wait over six years to get help is unfortunate because reactive behaviors have already set up and become part of the couples relationship style and have been reinforced. Sue Johnson states most couples suffer because of reactive recurring patterns of negative bonding behavior such as Avoidance, Shutdown, Critical, Rejecting patterns that make up their relationship style. She also states that it is critical to change these poor bonding patters before the relationship can be a safe place to heal and grow.

I’ve discovered in my thirty years of practice that couples who engage habitual negative patterns with each other even when they divorce, often repeat these negative patterns in their next relationship and/or find someone to take on the same negative role unless they get help to better understand themselves better and learn new ones. I can help you change your behavior patters and self-fulfilling prophesies by learning about your Imago and Soul Contracts.

Todays challenges are difficult enough, but not having essential conflict resolution and intimacy skills make it near impossible to succeed in life. I can teach you how to transform the way you connect with each other, making room for a new, refreshing, nurturing aliveness in your relationship and fortifying you against all the challenges the world has to offer.

Are You feeling distant from your spouse?
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Is the same argument occurring over and over without
resolution and with increasing frustration?
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Are you afraid your relationship is slipping away and
you don’t know how to get it back?
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If you answered “yes” to any of these questions,
I can help you

Does any this sound familiar?

In the beginning, you didn’t worry about the small stuff, life was easy and you knew how to enjoy each other. You were excited to be together and do things together. Making plans for your future was fun. You smiled when you saw each other and laughed spontaneously. You enjoyed each other’s playfulness and had fun together. You could talk about anything and you felt safe to share with each other anything and everything.

You had a dream of being together like this forever. It seemed you dreams had come true. You were so happy to have someone to love and knew they love you too. You dreamed you would be this way forever in a long lasting intimate partnership …..

but it seems over time everything has changed. You now argue about the small stuff. Say things you regret. You and your partner feel distant and don’t connect the way you use to. The relationship is becoming increasingly strained or almost non-existent.

One or both of you shut down or take turns blowing up at each other. You don’t seem to be able to communicate without defensiveness, blame and criticism. It has become a pattern of not knowing when the next eruption will begin and end.

Or, perhaps things changed when there’s been a major relationship betrayal or injury. You lost trust. You or your partner don’t feel safe with each other anymore.

You’ve stopped giving each other quality caring and the gift of your undivided attention.

You don’t seem to have time for each other with jobs and kids and household chores. You are drifting more and more apart.

Being married and lonely hurts. Sometimes, you wonder if it’s better or worse than living alone..

You may ask yourself, “Did I make a mistake?”

You wonder if the grass is greener on the other side. Or worse, one of you has already had an affair.

You ask: Why can’t this be easier? What happened to our playful romance?

Is it possible to get the love back?
My answer is “Yes.”

If you are struggling in your relationship or marriage? You have come to the right place. I have spent over thirty years discovering the necessary skills and practicing ways to heal and transform relationships. I can teach you concrete skills you can use right away to resolve /dissolve conflict, improve intimacy and have a life long relationship base on a secure, safe, nurturing and predicable bond.

Join me and have the relationship of your dreams not your nightmares.

In as Few As Six Sessions, I Can Help You Have Your Best Self, with Your Best Relationship and Best Life Ever in Bold letter

When you come to me for couples counseling, you will learn what works and what doesn’t in your relationship. You’ll be introduced to skills which will help heal, and repair old relationship hurt. You will also learn to develop alternatives to recurring painful struggles – new ways of understanding and approaching differences. You will learn what’s underlying your conflicts your childhood wounds and your Imago.) You will learn that your conflicts can actually bring you closer to each other.

Learn the Language of Love

Create More Compassion and Intimacy

Establish A Heart to Heart Connection

Things do not change people change

Learning advanced communication skills goes way beyond simply solving problems. You will gain the confidence in how to create and maintain a safe, secure nurturing, bond with each other that will give you resilience to meet any form of challenge in the future.

Its unfortunate that for centuries we were expected to simply know how to be in relationship. It was a luck of the draw that you found the right person and things worked out. We now know that you unconscious mind or Imago that actually attracts someone that is best suited for your healing.

When you and your partner work with me, you will learn how to replace the blame/avoidance negative relationship patterns with new ones. I will teach you how to better understand yourselves and each other to avoid the toxic traps which have kept your relationship stuck in recurring exhausting, and suffering reactive stress leading to increasing health problems. What’s more, You will learn not only how to replace your old negative patterns but I will teach you easy to learn skills and practices to increase your physical, emotional intimacy and be able to continually enrich and grow your relationship. In a very short time, you will discover these advance communication skills can have dramatic impact on your relationship.

The time to act is now. Instead of perpetuating and reinforcing your negative patterns make an appointment and learn that your conflict can actually bring you closer together if you understand the meaning behind it. How you communicate will lead you up to the top of the mountain of delight or take you down to the valley of despair.

I can teach you how to improve your relationship on all levels. In our Returning to Love Program, you will learn that your conflict is an expression of childhood wounds and you have unconsciously come together because of your Soul Contract for the purpose of healing your childhood wounds and returning to your original wholeness.

I can teach you how to work with your Soul Contract by learning the fundamentals of having a nurturing vs. toxic bond. You will learn conflict dissolving techniques to help you find different ways of relating to each other based on love language and caring behaviors. You will learn how build greater intimacy and help you understand and work with your Soul Contracts rather than against it.

You don’t have to be married see me for Couples Counseling. I counsel both married and unmarried couples. You can benefit whether you are a long term relationship or just got engaged couple and/or in a committed relationship dating couple beginning your relationship and want to get it right this time. I can help you lay a secure foundation with skills you can use for a lifetime of ensuring intimacy and peace of mind. It’s an extra joy to see newly committed couple because I love helping new couples prevent suffering from developing in the first place.

Tele-Health Internet Counseling

You can work with me without ever leaving your home, office, car or your meditation sanctuary. From the ease and convenience of your living room, you can connect with me using the internet. I found no difference in the success from couples working with me on the internet than those working with me in person and there are many advantages if you have a lap top, smart phone, computer and good internet system. I provide counseling.only via Zoom and other safe video conference, encrypted modalities.

We will work together to remove any and all limitations. My focus is on helping you learn skills to remove blocks and help you recover your full aliveness and peace of mind or Soul Connection by returning you to your Original Wholeness and Authentic Self.

Healing in one area usually translates to healing in other areas of your life

You can pay as your go or sign up for a package and safe money. Couples who sign up for a package do better at consolidating their gains and internalizing the understanding and practice of the Returning To Love Principles and Skills.

The number of sessions depend on the degree of wounding and resourcefulness of the couple. Long standing relationship resentments, trauma and severe childhood wounds require more time to heal.

Whatever the degree of wounding, by the end of the 6,12, or 18 session program you will have a more meaningful relationship connection with your partner and a life time of learning and the needed skills that will continually improve your relationship and life on all levels.

Relationships are too important to neglect. Time goes by fast and the time to start enjoying your best self and best relationship is now. Join us and learn concrete skills that you can use right away to heal and enrich your relationship on all levels.

You can attend session by session or sign up for The Returning to Love Program. (Couples who sign up for packages consulate gains faster)

Depending on the severity of your wounds and length of conflict, you can join my six, twelve or eighteen week Returning to Love Program, and I will support you in a step by step skill training process to teach you A-Z how to resolve your conflicts and gain security, love and aliveness in your relationships. I teach practical skills you can use right away have for a lifetime to resolve relationship challenges and improve your bond and intimacy.

I use the best and most relevant applications from the most successful, state of the art programs such as: Imago Relationship Therapy, by Harville Hendrix Ph.D.; Mars Venus Theory by John Gray; Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. John Gottman The Gottman Method: Research on Masters and Disasters, Sue Johnson Emotionally Focused Therapy, The Enneagram by Don Riso, Gary Chapman “Love Language” as well as many other cutting edge leading researchers. I will also introduce you to Energy Healing Practices as needed to help you stay resilient and innovators like Dr. Emoto “Messages From Water”

WHO CAN BENEFIT??

Here Are Some Of The Skills You Will Learn:

Express yourself in a way that your partner wants to listen and connect with you.
Listen to your partner in ways that make him/her to want to open up and share.
NLP skills of Peripheral Vision to become non-reactive and non defensive.
The real meaning and purpose of conflict. Healing Your Soul Contracts
How to use conflict to bring you closer together.
How to deescalate anger and hear the underlying needs.
How to listen and better understand what your partner is trying to convey to you.
Bids for Attention: How to Become emotionally responsive to each other.
Discover your Imago Why your partner is not perfect but perfect for you.
Heal the writing on your unconscious walls that prevent you from getting the love you want.
Learn about your core wounds and how to heal them.
Learn your communication patterns that have been thwarting intimacy.
Learn to understand the real meaning behind your conflicts (it's not what you think)
Learn to speak and listen to the language of feelings and needs
The Presence Process How to connect to your partner’s heart.
Learn how to express yourself authentically.
Empathize so you can experience greater emotional intimacy.
Learn each others “Love Language”
Experience deeply fulfilling sexual intimacy.
Respect each other as unique individuals.
Identify the childhood wounds behind your conflicts.
Frustration Dialogues and how to Argue constructively
How to reduce emotional reactivity and keep from escalations.
Learn how to sooth yourself so you recover faster from being triggered.
Create win-win solutions to meet each others needs.
Discover your partner’s dreams, and help make them come true.
Understand your patterns: the ones that work and the ones that don't .
Learn how to contain defensiveness, criticism, contempt and stonewalling.
Develop appropriate self-care routines to reduce stress.
Lean to make Amends and forgive so your heart opens again.
Build Trust in Your Relationship Learn how to be accountable with Behavior Change Requests.
Be true to your Authentic Self. Stop losing yourself in the relationship.
Become each other’s best friend and lover.

Summary of Couples Counseling Methods I Use

1) “Non-violent Communication” Marshal Rosenberg, Ph.D.
2) “Gottman Method Couples Therapy” by Drs. John and Julie Gottman
3) “Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy” by Dr. Sue Johnson
4) “Love Language”by Gary Chapman
5) “Men are From Mars Women are from Venus” John Gray
6) Neuro-linguistic Programming for Success.
7) Energy Healing for reducing stress and keeping resilience.
8) Don Riso The Enneagram.

I believe that how we deal with our relationships is the number one factor contributing to our greater success, happiness and enrichment in life. I am passionate about teaching individuals and couples the necessary skills to stay safe, stay connected and continually grow with each other to have a meaningful satisfying relationships.

As your relationship heals, life becomes more vibrant, goodness automatically flows more easily to you and from you. You will also be surprised to see that your children and extended families start to show greater happiness and become healthier, too. This is the power of consciousness and transformation.

I love up-grading the planet by transforming relationships. Individuals and couples can best bless the world their children and their grandchildren by learning to become more compassionate, beneficial presences and lift up others by their very nature. I believe this is the best way to build healthy communities, and promote world peace.

Make an appointment today.

Contact Us

Timothy J. Ryan, Ph.D D.Div.